Mimi Phan
The Proud and Fearless Kiwi: An Epic Poem
The proud and fearless kiwi
Woke up one day and thought,
I'd like to try to fly today,
Because I haven't tried a lot.
For years he dreamed of flight,
Admired planes and bugs.
Optimistic, he mused he could fly
If he didn't eat so many slugs.
After a crash diet
Complete with vitamins and pills,
He planned his course of action
Starting with running down a hill.
He imagined himself soaring
Above his family and friends.
He'd be so high and free,
He'd get an "up" version of the bends.
Every other thinking kiwi
Doubted his success:
"After the boss hears of this,
You'll prob'ly earn much less!"
Our hero kiwi didn't care
For his job painting roadway lines--
The paint stained his beak
And tasted like sap derived from pines.
(Note to our hero kiwi: don't use your beak to paint the lines. We know your beak creates beautifully straight lines, but you should use a paintbrush instead.)
On his off-days he earned extra
By catching ants with his beak.
He gave them to ant farm makers
But sometimes snuck some for a treat.
He was smooth with the ladies
Who enjoyed his lush, brown coat.
Who was lucky enough to kiss his gorgeous beak?
Amongst themselves, they would gloat.
His determination and diligence
Impressed most of the locals.
However, he wasn't practical;
The scientists saw him as a yokel.
The kiwi scientists and engineers
Dismissed his plan of flight:
"The wind velocity will bend your beak,
Though you may resist with all your might!"
The day of reckoning had arrived!
Kiwi was trying not to barf.
He was decked out in flying goggles
And a fashionable new red scarf.
He readied himself on a hilltop,
Awaiting glory and fame.
He anticipated great success;
Everyone would know his name.
He started down the special runway
(He trampled it the day before)
As he gained speed and courage,
He let out an unexpected roar:
"I am the proud and fearless kiwi!
I will bring our species great renown
For being the boldest, brightest, bravest birds
Ever to evolve around!"
Just as he finished his speech
The crowd heard a bonk and a pitiful squeak.
The kiwi had tripped on a rock
And promptly fell on his beak.
The crowd gasped, taken aback.
Our hero's beak was deemed ok.
It was slightly scratched and bruised,
But turned the other way.
Our friend still bears a reminder
Of his efforts that fine day.
He takes great pride in his attempt,
Though his admirers went astray.
These days he sings a cheerful song
And works the whole day through.
He has come to accept that kiwis don't fly
Even though all the other birds do.
The proud and fearless kiwi
Woke up another day and thought
"I'd like to fly today,
But actually, maybe not."
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